doctor-crane asked: I swallowed hard and nodded gently, "We'll... I suppose I am an idiot, in numerous ways... Enjoy your gift..." I murmured, gave him a pained smile, and retreated. When I had returned to the safety of my Lincoln Towncar sitting outside, I started bawling, and just say in the drivers seat to cry.
When Jonathan left, Crane took his time finishing the cigarette, absorbing he nicotine and letting it fill his lungs before releasing it into the air to watch the patterns the smoke made.
No, his birthday held no special place in his heart. Dearest Granny had seen to that quite well, be regardless his eyes slide over to the wrapped package still laying on the counter.
Jonathan was different from him in so many ways. This was one of them.
He sighed, pressing the end of the cigarette out before saving what remained for later. His bones cracked as he stood, making his way over to the package, neatly opening it and folding the paper as he looked over the book. Grimm’s Fairy Tales, a rather nice copy to add to his collection.
doctor-crane asked: "... I'm sorry, I wanted this to be a happy moment... I had pictured a happy reunion of sorts... I ruined it again. I apologize... for the way that I am. I wish I wasn't so weak..." I trailed off, remembering how he had used to insist that I wasn't a weakling... that I was strong and bright and worth it... "If you... if you never want to see me again... I understand... I do not want anything to do with me, either..."
"Choosing our day of birth was not likely the wisest of options."
He lifted his hand, pulling his cigarette from his lips to examine it’s length briefly. “I have little reason to find pleasure in this day, and what little nerves I have are inevitably going to be strained already.”
doctor-crane asked: I stood there for a while, until I had calmed, and I slowly broke away. "Thank you... would you like me to leave now?" I asked quietly, not daring to meet his gaze. I didn't want to burden him with me when he obviously didn't want to be. My heart hurt, but it could be ignored for now, until I had left. Happy birthday...
He frowned, letting his arm drop back to his side once Jonathan had pulled away. “… if it is your desire. I shall not send you away, but if you are expecting conversation… today is not a good day for such things.”
doctor-crane asked: I held onto him after he had given me permission. I focused hard on pretending that things weren't like this, I trembled, but found that crook that I had always rested my head on. After a while, I relaxed against him, breathing deeply. Silent.
He just held one arm about the trembling man, blowing the smoke from his cigarette upward now.
doctor-crane asked: "... I only want to be held... You used to hold me all the time, after all..." I mumbled, keeping my eyes down after I opened them. I sniffled and slowly stood, leaning against the wall heavily. In the mess if my mind, I berated myself for even coming. It was a ridiculous notion. But there was no doubt that he had changed. He didn't love me anymore... I bit back another sob.
He sighed heavily, before taking another drag from his cigarette. “… Very well.” He doubted that would be all the other desired, but for now, he would give that.
doctor-crane asked: "... Yes?" I asked quietly, eyes shut, still rocking myself to find some semblance of comfort in myself. Despite how much I hated myself, I would still attempt to find comfort in myself. Always. After all, it was all I had for so many years...
"… I cannot give to you what it is you desire. I am not the man you believe me to be."
He reached up to pull the cigarette from his lips, rolling it about in his fingers before returning it for another deep inhale.
doctor-crane asked: I closed my eyes tightly, "... You are hurting me..." I whispered, referring to his words. In an attempt to appeal to whatever humanity the man had left for me, I began to hum the same song as he had hummed for me. The Pan's Labyrinth lullaby. I rocked myself back and forth gently.
He sighed, slumping forward over his knees. “Jonathan…” He muttered the name, to tired of this to do more at the moment.
doctor-crane asked: I failed at holding that tearful giggle back, "You are failing to realize that I spent years feeling nothing but pain and fear. Emotions are overwhelming, especially when one has no idea how to properly regulate them." I managed out, scooting away along the wall from the smoke.
He arched an eyebrow. “I fail to realize?” He smashed down the anger that statement evoked, instead taking another breath from his cigarette, letting the nicotine help calm him.
"You forget to whom you speak. I understand better than any other here the pain you have faced. Our methods of dealing with such pain were clearly different, and I see that mine was likely the superior."
doctor-crane asked: I flinched at the cigarette and backed away as if I wouldn't inhale the smoke from there. "I failed? Yes, I do that quite often..." I muttered bitterly. I had pictured this very differently... a happy moment for the two of us. I had failed in that as well. My mind slipped off as I backed up against the wall and slid down, sobbing. "Why can't I do anything right?!"
He sighed, releasing a stream of smoke as he did.
"Because you are allowing your emotions to rule you. You will likely find your life to be easier should you cease that."